What is Cheating?

There are many ways to cheat. Is cheating infidelity? First, we must define these terms. Infidelity may be defined as the breaking of trust when you are hiding meaningful or intimate information from your primary partner. Your partner will define cheating. It's whatever matters the most to your partner which includes the loss of trust in the relationship. It's the dishonesty , the keeping of secrets, lying by omission, gas lighting and not being able to trust that matters the most.

Cheating is breaking your partner's trust relationally.

There are many forms of cheating. Some might be considered extramarital sex. What is that? These behaviors may include sexual behaviors considered as sexual without an emotional connection--a separation of sex and emotional connection. For a partner, this is difficult to understand as being possible as many people see sex and emotional connection as one.  This also brings up the question of "What is sex?" Masturbation and oral sex, either giving or receiving, petting, making out and flirting may be considered sexual behaviors. If others could see you in your sexual behavior with persons outside of your primary relationship, would they be concerned? What if your partner could see what you are doing? Would he or she object?

What about cybersex?

Today, our digital world offers opportunities for sexual infidelity sometimes called virtual sex. Is this sort of behavior cheating or a form of infidelity or does the behavior have to be in-person contact?  Some examples of this behavior may include chatting on social media with strangers or previous relational partners, chatting on hookup applications but not hooking up in-person, sexting, viewing pornography, mutual masturbation over a webcam with a stranger, or many of the video games that offer fantasies about interacting with a prostitute. Either online or in the real world, it is the breaking of trust that happens and is the most influential in damage experienced by the partner who is being betrayed.

Fidelity must be defined through mutual decision making with your partner with whom you are in a committed relationship.

Check out this video:

Rethinking Infidelity

Here's a closer look at the differences and signs that can help differentiate between the two:

1. Cheating

Cheating typically involves a deliberate choice to break the trust and exclusivity agreements within a relationship, whether by engaging in physical or emotional connections with others. It may stem from:

• Unmet emotional needs within the relationship
• Desire for novelty or excitement
• Lack of commitment or dissatisfaction with the current partner
• Poor impulse control, but without a compulsive need for sexual acts

In most cases, cheating is not necessarily driven by an uncontrollable urge; instead, it's more often a choice made in response to specific relationship or personal factors.

2. Sex Addiction

Sex addiction, also known as hypersexuality, involves a compulsive need to engage in sexual behaviors that interfere with daily life and relationships. Key characteristics include:

• Loss of control: The person may feel unable to stop engaging in sexual activities, even if they recognize the harm it causes.
• Compulsive behaviors: They may spend excessive time thinking about, planning, or engaging in sexual acts, often with multiple partners, through pornography, or in risky scenarios.
• Negative consequences: These behaviors may interfere with work, relationships, or personal well-being, and the person may experience shame or regret afterward, yet feel unable to stop.
• Attempts to stop: Individuals may try to quit or cut down but repeatedly fail due to the compulsive nature of the addiction.

While both sex addiction and cheating can hurt relationships, a person with a sex addiction may genuinely want to remain faithful but feel compelled by overwhelming urges they struggle to control.

How to Determine Which It Is

1. Evaluate the Frequency and Pattern: Occasional cheating doesn’t typically indicate addiction; rather, it’s more about choices or decisions made in specific situations. On the other hand, if the behavior is continuous, consuming, and compulsive, it may suggest sex addiction.
2. Intent and Motivation: Someone cheating due to relationship dissatisfaction or personal choice is usually driven by situational motives, while a person with sex addiction acts out of compulsion, often without clear external motivators.
3. Attempts to Stop: People with a sex addiction often try to quit the behavior multiple times but struggle to do so, reflecting a loss of control over their actions.
4. Emotional Consequences: A sense of relief or thrill from cheating could imply situational or personal issues rather than addiction. In contrast, those with sex addiction may feel shame, guilt, or even self-loathing but continue the behavior regardless.

Seeking Help

• Counseling and Therapy: Therapy can be helpful in both cases. A therapist can help explore why a person is cheating, especially if it’s tied to unmet emotional needs. For those with sex addiction, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist will provide the best treatment and support.
• Support Groups: Groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) offer guidance for those experiencing addiction, while relationship counseling can support couples dealing with infidelity.  Some therapists also facilitate a therapeutic group that is different from attending a SAA meeting.
• Self-Reflection and Accountability: Whether it's cheating or sex addiction, acknowledging the issue and taking steps toward change is crucial.